Tourists do the main quest. We do the side quests.
Any agency can sell you the Eiffel Tower. Based Goy takes small crews to the places the algorithm tells you to fear — Pyongyang, the Wakhan, the Kyrgyz high pastures — because that's where the XP is. Real places, real people, real stories you didn't rent.
Costa Rica — The Animal Quest
Sloths, macaws, crocodiles and a proper safari in Corcovado. Ten men went in; the waitlist is open.
“Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past.”
George Orwell, 1984Governments work tirelessly to distort the public's perception of the past.
The quest board
Small parties, hand-built itineraries, zero tour-bus energy. Pick your quest, read the log, apply. I review every application myself — this only works if the crew is right.
Costa Rica — The Animal Quest
3–11 Oct 2026
Nine days built entirely around animals — not behind glass, not from a bus. Sloths overhead, macaws at arm's length, crocodiles at a respectful distance, and a proper safari day deep in Corcovado, the wildest corner of the country.
Afghanistan — The Forbidden Quest
2026 · dates being finalised
The trip everyone says is impossible and a small number of travellers quietly do every year. Band-e Amir's impossibly blue lakes, the Panjshir valley, Kabul's bird market. Run with experienced local partners, small party, serious briefing beforehand.
Russia — Winter Rails
2027 · dates being finalised
Russia in winter, by train — the way it's supposed to be seen. Moscow's frozen grandeur, provincial towns under a metre of snow, banya culture done properly, and long rail nights where the party becomes a brotherhood.
Apply
Tell me why you want in and who you are. Two honest paragraphs beat a CV.
Review
I read every application personally and reply to all of them, accepted or not.
Lock your spot
Accepted? 50% deposit secures your place in the party.
Final payment
The remaining 50% is due two months before departure. Then we fly.
Quest log: completed
Scouted solo or with a small crew before they ever became trips. Click any of them for the story. Photos from the archive are being added — every tile below is a live photo slot.
Rebuild the machine
Modern life is engineered to make men weak, distracted and medicated. My approach is the opposite of a shortcut: real food instead of packaged imitations, sunlight and sleep instead of stimulants, heavy training instead of endless cardio, and straight talk about confidence, purpose and your life as a man. No powders, no patches — habits.
Hyrox Lisbon, doubles. I don't sell anything I don't do myself.
One-time call
One problem, one call, straight answers.
- ▸30-minute one-to-one video call
- ▸Pick the topic: training, food, confidence, travel
- ▸Direct questions get direct answers
- ▸Summary of the plan afterwards by email
One-time payment
Mentorship
The full reset, at your own pace.
- ▸Monthly deep-dive call
- ▸Training programme built around your life
- ▸Real-food nutrition overhaul — no powders
- ▸Sunlight, sleep and recovery protocol
- ▸Weekly written check-in
Monthly subscription, cancel anytime
Premium
Direct access. Nothing outsourced.
- ▸Everything in Mentorship
- ▸Weekly one-to-one calls
- ▸Direct message access to me, any day
- ▸Confidence, purpose and social-life work
- ▸Reading list with monthly book discussion
- ▸Priority acceptance on quests
Monthly subscription, cancel anytime
Already a client?
Change plan, update your card or cancel — self-serve, no awkward break-up message required.
Field notes & ammunition
Travel reports, training, food, books and the occasional argument. Comments are open — disagree all you like, but bring reasons.
Wear the flag
Printed on real cotton, not a polyester blend pretending to be one. Checkout runs through the Shopify store — each product below links straight to it.
Hi — I'm Joao.
I got tired of two things at the same time: holidays that felt like queueing with extra steps, and health advice that came with a barcode. So I started travelling to the places everyone warned me about, and eating the way my great-grandfather did. Both worked out.
Now I run both under one roof. The quests take small groups of men somewhere unforgettable. The mentorship handles what happens between trips — the training, the food, the confidence, the reading list. The blog is where we argue about all of it.
No middlemen, no travel-agency script, no supplement sponsorships. Just the itineraries I'd want and the habits that actually moved my own numbers.
Request to join a quest
This isn't a checkout — it's an application. Tell me why this trip, and who you are. I read everything myself and answer within a few days. If accepted: 50% deposit to lock the spot, the rest two months before departure.
How you pay once accepted
No checkout on this site by design — money only moves after your application is accepted. 50% locks the spot, 50% is due two months before departure, by any of these:
Deposit and balance straight to the quest PayPal. Buyer protection included.
paypal.me/YOURUSERNAMEWant to split it? On acceptance I send you a Klarna payment link — pay in instalments. Klarna is also available at the merch checkout.
Payment link sent on acceptanceSEPA transfer, no fees, reference with your name and quest.
IBAN: PTXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX X